i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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