i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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