just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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