Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
