I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
