I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
