i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
