you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
the day after is always just damage control
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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