He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
