It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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