There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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