the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
this hospital has no fireball
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
