Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
