i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
