GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
