I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
