i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
