Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
