Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
