I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
