You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
