PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
