VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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