Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
