Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize