Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
where does the pee come out of this thing
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
