plz talk dirty to me
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
