remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
