bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
