I will die if light touches me.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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