you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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