been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
