I hate your face
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
