Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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