I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
