im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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