You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
