Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
