she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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