YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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