I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
