Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
