Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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