I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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