well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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