Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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