i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It's shark week go big or go home
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
