He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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