had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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