It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
