she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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