please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
